Ridgeway Cottage anyhow

This morning I have woken up early after making the decision not to go for a run. I feel so overwhelmed after reconnecting with my  autistic self that my head feels funny. I feel like Josie did when she was younger and wanted to know how black holes are made so we went to the planetarium to find out. I feel like my diagnosis was the big bang and I’m still dusting off the debris and rebuilding the authentic Susie. I can hear the omnipresent low level white noise after shock the sonic boom. My autistic ears are the most significant aspect of my diagnosis, the most noticeable change. It’s very much like now they have been given recognition, I can’t turn them off. They are continuously screaming at me, “you feel sound” . It’s noises that wake me up at night. The hearing part of my brain can’t step away from the hyper vigilance caused by the avalanche of trauma I’ve had to revisit in the last 4 years. The are the main character. I used to think there was something wrong with my heari...

Just the little lift I needed. A message from Paula Radcliff I've now run 500K this year and that includes the 5 months I took off running. Firstly I tore a muscle in my calf  (I do have old calves now and they've done a lot of work since I started dancing at age 3 years)secondly life was just too much to go out running. As I said yesterday though, Nike+ is addictive and now I'm back on the road, I've already started setting myself new targets. I want to run another 50K by 23rd November. It maybe a bit optimistic since there are such tough times ahead but I can always extend the date if I don't mangage it. Josie and I had a craft afternoon but the results wont be ready until tomorrow but it was a lot of fun.

Today we invested in a family membership for Wildwood  and it truly is a magical place set in the most beautiful Kentish woodland. We hadn't been since Josie had her fourth birthday party there as an individual visit is quite expensive. However for two adults and up to six children, it is only £6 per month and worth every penny. A good friend gave me a leaflet about the upcoming events after reading my blog about wild mushrooms because there is a Fungal Foray there next week. Apparently it is sold out but people do drop out and I'm sure that if I'm persistent, I'll get a place. I've also booked the children in for Hallowe'en crafts later in the week. They have a fabulous collection of native British animals: beavers, badgers, deer, foxes, mink, otters, owls, pine martins, pole cats, squirrels and wolves. I especially liked the cavern you can enter to view the pole cats sleeping in their dens. There's also an adventure playground which the children loved. ...

I was so inspired by my reminiscing yesterday, that I dusted off my trainers and went for a run. There is something about putting thoughts into words, that completely clears issues up and makes everything seem so simple; if I love running, then I should go. However for those lovely friends who know me well, my life is not quite so simple as to 'say and do' at present. I too yearn for simpler times (quoting Viki) where I can think and see clearly.  If I stop still for a minute and take a good look in the mirror, then I can say that I did Stay Gold , a little pale, plenty of wrinkles around the eyes under the grey bags and hair that Lisa Lovelikins would be ashamed to have ever been associated with but there is a glimmer of gold. I am true to myself, if a little harsh and will always march to the beat of my own drum. It was such a challenge to even get out of bed to go for a run, that I couldn't possibly have remembered my camera. I did have to dig my trainers out of...