Where do I begin?

I started writing this blog in 2010. When I look back at the first post which is here, I feel exactly like I did in that moment but at the same time, like an entirely different person. A blog is only a snapshot of carefully curated thoughts however, I remember and relive them with such clarity, it's no longer a surprise that I can't remember the dull, mundane and boring aspects of life. 

I stopped writing for a really long time because I couldn't articulate the tidal wave of emotions I was feeling after my BOGF diagnosis in 2017. I did in fact get two free labels (ASD and PTSD) even though I only ever signed up for an ADHD diagnosis. I couldn't talk about certain aspects of the process or the consequences because it is not just a story about me. My body did, entirely keep the score as I painfully discovered.  A lot of the things I wanted to say, where things that people didn't want to hear. Society is very selective about what subjects are appropriate for discussion. The more I reflected on what had happened to get me to the point I was at, the more angry I became and the more people tried to silence me. I was a lone voice trying to address social injustice and no one was going to listen to someone on the edge of visibility.

So I decided to find some other people who had similar experiences or would understand what I was trying to say and that took a long time. I also found some different ways of communicating, what is sometimes too difficult to express in words. I got myself a Masters in Autism Studies and then started a PhD in May 2021. I have plenty to say and I have spoken to other people who have also struggled to get themselves heard. Social communication difficulties are often considered to be a key difficulty stereotypically associated with autism. My experience has been that I have had difficulty getting people to either listen to what I say or to understand why I am saying it and I do not believe that the fault lies entirely with me. Sometimes the best way to get yourself heard, is to say it in a different or creative way.