When I started my blog, it had a specific purpose. I wanted to focus on something each day that made me happy. I wanted to ensure that I saw the wonderful world around me and did not forget the beauty of small things. The reason was that in November 2009, I lost my baby Jack and my life changed forever. I have his footprints around my neck, a picture carefully hidden in my wardrobe and a tiny grave.
I never wanted my blog to be about depression, I wanted it to be a reflection of what I could achieve despite the darkness that rest heavy in my heart. However as time has gone by, I have not recovered and life has got harder for me to manage. On Monday of this week, I was signed off work again for anxiety with depression and I cried for everything that I had lost, everything that I could loose and for my inability to cope without professional help. As I reflected on my life, it became only too clear to me that I have probably suffered from mental health problems for as long as I can remember.
I went to visit a wonderful friend, who has recently turned her life around and she was inspirational. Throughout the difficult times I have had since loosing Jack she has been there and her advice has been invaluable. If ever you are in doubt and lost in life, find yourself a good hairdresser, they know everything!!
So I am now on a new journey to turn my life around, get the professional help I need and finally become a happy person. Over the past 10 days it has been difficult for me to get out of bed, but my creative mind never stops and I have been knitting. Knitting is known to reduce the heart rate focus, the mind and help with depression. I am knitting a blanket as I am unable to focus on knitting patterns.
It will probably take a life time but it is the process that counts not the finished product. Perhaps that is something I need to learn. However as a complete contradiction to all the sole searching I have done, I am still suggesting that material things might help. My turquoise gloss hunter wellies do make me happy and I love them today just as much as I did when I was wishing for them. The new object of my desire is Limited Edition Fyberspates Royal Wedding Yarn.
Royal wedding Lace yarn comes giftboxed and certificatedRoyal wedding
This is an opportunity to own a hank of a unique Limited Edition lace yarn to commemorate the marriage of Prince William and Kate Middleton.
The yarn is a 100g hank with 1000 meters Sparkle Lace 65% Extra fine merino , 10% Royal Baby Alpaca 20% Silk 5% Sparkle (stellina a non metal fibre).
In sapphire colour way to match the engagement ring.
The cost is £ 25 per 100g hank
The yarn comes in a special presentation box with a certificate of the limited edition number of your yarn.
There will be a pattern available for this yarn in the coming few weeks.
Can I really afford it? Can I survive without? Would it look beautiful in the blanket? Please vote on the side panel?
Dedicated once again to Lisa, the pyjama box fairy x